Stuck in a Loop – Overindulging – Update 4

It’s a Tuesday and 4 days since my last overindulgence.

This past month I have kept my alcohol consumption down and if I have been out, I’ve been managing my intake and drinking plenty of water.

Last Friday, I may have slipped a bit.

Whilst housesitting down in the beautiful Kinsale, a couple of friends came to visit me for the night. I was in great form!

I was delighted to have them over, we made dinner, had a couple of home made brew drinks then headed out to a local bar where we met another friend.

The night was so great. Four girls. It was fun, it was safe, the chats and craic were great.

I had a meal, I drank water – but probably not enough.

We came back to the house and were up until 3 or so. Not toooo bad.

But the, the usual overindulgence pattern started the next day. I was wrecked tired. Damn it!!!

After heading for a walk with the girls and dogs in a nearby woods, I retired home and proceeded to spend a lot of the day in bed.

I was due to go out on Saturday evening into Cork city to meet another bunch of girls… and to potentially meet more people and more friends. I was driving so knew this would not be a drinking occasion….. I was really looking forward to it.

Come Saturday evening, anxiety had kicked in.

I decided I didn’t want to be around anyone and opted out of going to something I was originally looking forward to.

2nd and 3rd days after I was anxious – My 3 day hangover.

04th day now and I’m feeling much better, much more grounded. Sunday night and last night I did attend meditation evenings and met with a good few people. I knew these events would be good for me, so made sure I got to them, however that residual anxiety stuck around.

On Sunday night we listened to a piece by Tara Brach on anxiety. She mentioned about how our worlds get a lot smaller when anxiety takes hold.

And it does… my world is so much more narrower… so much smaller, so much uneasier to be in.

The same goes with when I’m experiencing depression.

The endless possibilities of any moment vanish, instead a constricted, uncomfortable view of the world takes hold and it is difficult to get out of.

This time however, I did manage it a little better than before. I made sure to get out, go to the things that help keep me grounded, surround myself with good people and spoke to a friend or 2 on the phone.

So… why do I still engage in this behaviour is the question?…

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